I have had this love/hate relationship with Los Angeles for so many years that writing about it may help me figure it out once and for all. 

I have experienced every high and low in my life there, be it in my career or as a resident of both LA and Orange County. “She” keeps calling me back, but I continue to refuse. I do visit from time to time and all those memories and emotions flood me as soon as I walk off of the plane and my feet hit the ground. 


Los Angeles is where I headed to pursue my entertainment goals in music and management after getting burned out in Hawaii, my home, and to take it to the next level. LA, some kind of magic in your name and where people go to capture dreams and visions of fame and fortune and to catch a rising star. Most of the time they see it go down in flames. 


Los Angeles has changed over the years going vegan, spiritual, and whatever ego-based adjective fits its flavor of the day. It was once a place for celebrity, party, glitz, and glamor and carried the lure of everything fun. Amazing beaches, though I never saw freezing water and crowds amazing being from Hawaii. But it was a place to party for sure and connect with amazing and talented people in the field of my dreams. I met so many A-List musicians, actors, and executives in the music and film, industries that would become major influencers and friends to me. My first roommate in LA was a celebrity heartthrob, and I dated a girl who was on top of the charts in music and had the number one television show at that time. If you knew me then, you know who they are and there is no need to mention them here as it’s not about them or my ego. Needless to say, LA had everything that I desired from money, fame, women, and drugs with a heavy participant in each of those. I looked into the rabbit hole and said to myself “why not?”, so I jumped in head first, balls to the wall. 


She sucked me in so far that I forgot who I was as I got caught up in the Hollywood lifestyle so deep that friends wanted to rescue me. I just flipped them the finger and kept being me in the flashy moments of celebrity. After making it and then losing it all a few times Los Angeles spit me out so far I had no clue what I was doing and what the purpose was. I was a young high powered music-producing protege with an attitude and a passion for everything wrong, reflecting everything and everyone around me. Hanging with Norby Walters, George Quiveda didn’t help a lot as they were both major entertainment and sports agents that crossed the line in so many ways that Norby eventually got indicted on racketeering as well as other charges. They were good guys at heart, introduced me to “power”, and mentored me, and sent me away which was a good thing. Life lessons. 


LA had and still has its good things. I did find love there even though that turned out to be tragic, yet it led me to who I am today. It has peace in places that one would least find it, and it has beauty if you just look for it. When I go back to visit a feeling of loss, sadness, happiness, and gratitude engulf me all at once. I seek out the places where the pain was felt and I stare at it knowing that it’s just the ghost of my past staring back at me. I want to embrace it yet tell it to go fuck itself, which I have done both every time I go there. 


I lived in Irvine in the OC and it is the same. There is actually a name for it in Orange County, it is called the OC Virus. Once you are there you get it and it hooks you. So many people struggle to leave the place because of the lure that it holds. Huntington Beach, Newport, San Juaquin, and PCH are just a few of the places to give you an idea. When I lived there last my next-door neighbor in my condo was Robin Givens (Tyson’s former wife), and the Crown Prince of Qatar lived directly across the hall. The CEO of Intel lived there with all of his cars and toys and the lure was always present. It is hard to walk away from even today. 


So I have this love-hate for this place where the sun leaves you golden and the vibe can rip you to shreds. A pure catch 22 for sure. She is a beautiful woman who you just can not keep staring at and being close to even though she burns you from time to time.  Did writing help me here? I guess not. So on that note, to be continued…